On June 20, 1972, a fantastic movement took place. I had been feeling tension in the lower lumbar area and had been lying on my abdomen on the exerciser in an extended position with the vibrator on that area. A change took place in the low cervical area, and it seemed in the clavicle area. Also, I felt a change behind the right ear, and I had quite a reaction in the nose too.
Immediately my eyes started jumping, and I felt dizzy. Apprehension and nervousness became severe. Also, I had a shaky feeling in the epigastric area. This reaction lasted about 1/2 hour and was the most severe that I have had for many, many months.
As soon as this reaction was over, hints of my "good feeling" came. Dr. Toman told me when I saw him next that the axis had been in a twist and had shifted.
Since this movement, my eyes have had a tremendous pulling feeling. There is no pain, but it is a very uncomfortable feeling. Again I started having that horrible, horrible, nonfunctioning brain feeling. This two weeks between adjustments was filled most of the time with it. I had almost forgotten how horrible that feeling was. I had hoped so that I had felt the last of it.
A new symptom came at this time. When I turned my head to the right, suddenly, a quick, very severe pain would come. Something seemed to be very, very sore there. After a few seconds it would subside. There was no lasting pain or headache, just a sore spot; and when I turned my head certain ways, it would be touched. I soon learned to turn my head slowly to the right and then I would not feel this pain.
I thought perhaps this soreness was due to the extension of the disk between the atlas and axis when it was laying in a twisted position.
On my next adjustment, the pressure applied to the atlas was just a tap. Two weeks later the adjustment on the atlas was very, very hard and made me quite shaky.
My daughter was with me that day; and while she was getting her adjustment, I interrupted Dr. Toman to ask him to please check my neck for I felt something was wrong. This shakiness was almost as severe as when he had made that bad mistake about two years before.
He checked it and said it was okay. I got dressed and was preparing to leave his office, but the shakiness continued. I returned to the treatment room and asked him again to check my neck. He assured me again that everything was alright.
We left the office and on the way home I started feeling very warm. I have had this same sensation after adjustments several times. In the midst of these reactions, hints of my "good feeling" came; and I knew then that all was indeed okay.
For three years, I have gotten most of my clicks behind the right ear. The lump there seems to be getting lower in the neck. My right ear feels much, much clearer these days.
Dr. Toman did not suggest that I buy a vibrator or an exerciser. When I visited the other chiropractor for an examination, he used one. I found that it felt so good that I bought one for myself.
Through the months of trying different ways to find relief, I learned that lying on my abdomen in an extended position and placing the vibrator where it seemed to be pulling was very relieving; and this was my own treatment.
There is one movement that I get routinely three or four days after most every adjustment. In the middle of the neck something seems to move to the left while a little higher it moves to the right. I believe it is the axis straightening a little in compensation to his atlas adjustment.
About a day after this last adjustment, I felt what seemed to be a real tight kink in the middle of the neck. I could turn my head to the right, but it was uncomfortable. When I laid on the exerciser and put the vibrator on the lower lumbar area, it would click at that spot and seemed to loosen up a little. Most of my clicks have usually been behind the right ear.
My routine movement did not come until the eighth day after my adjustment. It usually causes no reaction other than making me feel better. This time as soon as it moved, I started getting an ache in my right ear. Soon it spread into both eyes. All around the eyes were hurting.
Then an ache came at the base of the skull. My thumbs began hurting, and both little fingers felt slightly numb. There was no anxiety or shakiness with this movement. This headache lasted for about an hour and disappeared almost as suddenly as it had started.
I thought this movement might be the one for which I had been waiting to restore my "good feeling." I told my family, and we were anxious to see if it would come.
Again I was disappointed. The headache also kept coming back off and on for three more days. The Tylenols gave little relief. Finally the headache left.
On Saturday when I went in for my next two-week appointment, the neck reading was only one point on the neurocalometer; and he did not have to adjust it! This was the first time that I have not had it adjusted since August, 1970 almost two years ago.
This month my eyes still feel very, very tired and heavy;, but I am not having that severe pulling that I have had most of the summer. I can now ride in a car with more ease even though it still does bother me some.
The dermatitis and heartburn are making rapid improvements. These two symptoms seem to improve at the same time. (They improve at intervals and worsen at intervals.)
By the middle of August my "good feeling" started coming more frequently. I was getting whiffs of it most every day.
Slowly, one by one, my symptoms are disappearing. I can go almost two weeks between adjustments in a more consistent way--not feeling really well, but not feeling really bad either. I am not having so many "lows" any more.
Gradually my body has changed from sounding like a dilapidated jalopy to a smooth-running car. I get very few clicking sounds when I do my exercises now and also get only an occasional click when I ride in the car.
Chapter 8
Whenever the sky seems to be clearing for me, there is always another dark cloud hovering on the horizon. This time a nightmare that I have had repeatedly for several years has now come true.
The nightmare was always the same--love was taken out of my life. The dream seemed so real, and I would usually wake up crying. Many times, I would wake Stan and tell him that I had the dream again.
Although I had the dream repeatedly, and it seemed so real, I never once actually thought that it would come true. I have always had an abundance of love in my life.
Now, an event over which I had no control happened. All circumstantial evidences pointed to me as the cause. I knew and God knew that I was innocent in this. (I am sorry that I cannot go into more detail about this event out of respect for the privacy of others involved.)
Many of my dearest and closest friends fell like dominos. Terrible words were said to me. Each time I came into contact with a person that I thought was my friend, I remembered the words of Caesar: "Et Tu Brutus?"
I believe that love is our most valuable possession--love of God, love of fellowman, and being loved. To be hated is the most horrible feeling I have ever known.
My life has always been so filled with love, and this sudden onslaught of hate was the most traumatic event of my life.
I suddenly felt old, fat, and ugly. When we have love in our lives, we do not feel our faults; but with rejection, our faults become magnified to us.
I think of children who have been rejected by their mothers and fathers. It is easy to see why they end up as dope addicts, thieves, and murderers. Again, I say I have never in all my life had a worse experience.
Jeanne and Brian tease me because I cry very easily over sad movies and sad stories. However, when I am deeply hurt, such as when my Dad died and at this time, I shed few tears. The hurt is so deep that tears seem an inadequate expression of my feelings.
After the initial shock of this traumatic event was over, I realized that God was indeed allowing Satan to test my faith. I reread the book of Job in the Bible.
I certainly do not know all the things that are happening in the universe or why they are happening, but one thing I do know is that many years ago someone, somewhere knew this event was going to happen. I believe that God in His mercy allowed me to be forewarned of this terrible time by giving me the dreams.
I realized and believed that it was a time in my life that had to be. I saw it as a test of faith and also as a way to teach me to have more understanding and compassion for those who have not been fortunate enough to have love in their lives.
Even though I recognized these things, it did little to lessen the hurt that I was feeling. Each day I still had to cope with the hate coming toward me. My reactions would vary. At times, I wanted to inflict hurt upon those who were hurting me so much. But then, I would reason, "What good would that do?" They would only turn around and inflict more hurt on me.
Hate and anger can become like a ping-pong game. When a person gives us hate, if we return that hate then they will only bat more hate to us, etc. As it is batted back and forth, it becomes worse and worse. I recalled the teachings of Jesus and realized to stop the hate game, we must not bat the ball of hate back to the person who is giving it to us. We must return only love.
The significance of the golden rule became apparent to me. Returning love for hate is the hardest task I have ever tried to do. It is easy to give love to those who are giving us love, but to give love to those who are hurting us is indeed hard.
This period of my life put my most fundamental Christian principles to the test. Throughout my life it had been relatively easy to follow Christian principles. Now it was not. Of all the things I learned during this time, the most important was that there is only one unfailing love in the universe, and that is God's love. I now know:
Parents fail children and children fail parents. Husbands fail wives and wives fail husbands. Sisters fail brothers and brothers fail sisters. Friends fail us and we fail our friends. There is only one unfailing love in the universe and that is God's love.
I found it very ironic that I, who had been called by God to establish an organization of love, should be the object of so much hate. My relationship with God became even more personal at this time, and my desire to serve him became stronger and stronger. I want to do all I can do to help eliminate hate from the world.
This sounds like an overwhelming task, but really the answer is quite simple. Each time I give love to someone, I believe it becomes like a ripple in the ocean. It will spread and spread and spread.
Love must be given unconditionally, and it must be expressed in actions.
It is easy to say we love our fellowman; but until it is expressed in an action, it is not love.
The greatest act of love of all times was:
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."
God's act of love created more than ripples upon an ocean. It created waves and waves of love that continue to spread throughout the world changing everything they touch.
I hold no bitterness toward anyone who treated me badly during this time. Each person was reacting to what he/she believed to be true. This event was foretold to me in the dreams many years before, and no one could have prevented it. It was an event that had to be.
I believe this event had a purpose, and that was to give me first hand knowledge about the traumas of hate. I can only thank God for giving me this terrible time. I am a better person for it. I now have more understanding and compassion for those whose lives have been shattered by hate.
Chapter 9
My complaints are very minimal at this time. The nonfunctioning brain feeling has not been felt for a long time. I still have some dermatitis, some heartburn, and some dizziness; but they are in a mild degree.
I rarely ever take a nap during the day now. I no longer have to push myself so hard to get my work done. My "good feeling" is staying for days at a time.
When I go to Dr. Toman now, I almost laugh. His adjustments seem so simple. I can easily imagine how a person who is not very sick when they undergo a treatment, they might say "Gee, this is nothing. Where is that miracle Polly was talking about?" They would not feel any great change. Well, of course, they wouldn't feel any great change if they aren't very sick.
Its like taking a pain-relieving medication. If there is little pain beforehand, a person would say "this medication does very little." But if the same medication is given to a person who is having severe pain, then that person would be elated and talk about its great relieving powers. The severity of a person's illness determines the greatness of a cure.
Now I come to the month of January, 1973. I call this "the month that was." The spine is making great strides toward straightening. The movements are very large. When I went to him on the 13th, I could feel the entire right side pulling down. I knew the tension was high. He said it was around five. The adjustment on the atlas was made very, very hard.
As soon as I got to the dressing room, I was having difficulty in focusing my eyes. I didn't mention this to him because sometimes after firm adjustments, I don't feel real well until the spine loosens up a little on its own. These complaints usually last only an hour or two. However, this time the discomforts continued most of the week before it finally stopped.
The area around the 10th and 11th vertebras has been pulling for months and I've realized that it would have to move. As I've said before, I welcome these large movements because I know they must come before I will be really well.
They always come suddenly and unexpected and so it was at this time. I had just leaned back for a good stretch and this area let go. It produced a clunking sound in the epigastric area. Most of my other big movements in the upper thoracic area have made a clicking sound in the sternal area. However, this was different. I believe the diaphragm had changed with this movement.
I have had other movements that I thought involved the diaphragm, I've gotten the hiccups; but this time there was very little reaction, just a slight pulling feeling that seemed to be in the muscles.
I have waited so long for that section to move and I was so happy that it had now come. The discomfort that I've felt at the 10th and 11th vertebras was now virtually gone.
Through the months I have thought that when this movement took place that my "good feeling" would come rushing in. Again I was disappointed. However, my dermatitis and heartburn have noticeably improved again.
This movement evidently allowed the rest of the spine to drop down enough for another giant movement. A couple of days later as I started to lie down on the exerciser (as I do several times a day), I heard a slight click high in the back of the neck. This was followed immediately by a gigantic movement. Never have I had a movement similar to it. I have known throughout my illness that the atlas had to move to the left and rotate. Dr. Toman had told me that he does this in the adjustments. Now it seemed that the atlas had on its own suddenly made a giant shift. This large movement happened so fast and was over in a flash.
Even though the movement was gigantic in scope, I felt very little reaction to it. There was a slight ache at the base of the skull for a few minutes and a little shakiness. The shakiness may have been mostly due to the unexpectedness of the movement and not knowing just what had happened. I have learned long ago that most all the movements that come spontaneously are for the good and that the spine is straightening a little more.
On January 27th, I was due at his office for my regular two week appointment; but my brain was feeling terribly nonfunctioning. I felt so badly that I could not go to his office.
This feeling was far worse than usual. I finally got relief when I did a head rotation exercise that produced a large shift in the low cervical area.
The next day the nonfunctioning brain feeling came again. I believe it to be the worst episode of this feeling that I've had throughout my illness. I tried the head rotation exercise again and did not get immediate relief even though I did get several large clunking movements. I took some Tylenols to see if the relaxation would help me even though there was no pain associated with this. I also laid on the exerciser with the vibrator placed on the lumbar area.
I felt so desperate that I thought I would have to have Dr. Toman make an emergency call to the house. I don't believe I have ever felt so desperate. As I had just about decided to have him called, the relieving clicks came; and in a very short time I felt fine.
Throughout this desperate episode, there was no pain whatsoever. I don't know what was happening, but I told Dr. Toman that I thought the entire nerve supply was actually being cut off from the brain. It was a terrible, terrible, feeling.
When I visited Dr. Toman on the 29th, he said that the axis had pulled the atlas over. He didn't tell me in words, but I sensed that he was not pleased that this movement had taken place. There was no tension reading that day on the atlas and just a little on the axis so he did not do a neck adjustment.
I felt severe tension in the hips. The adjustment for them was very hard. The tension in the back and legs soon relaxed after the adjustment and once again, I felt quite well.
Giant size clunking movements took place for about two weeks afterwards whenever I did my neck rotation exercises.
Since I became aware of the humps and bumps in my neck, I have kept track of them. Slowly they are working their way down from behind the right ear to a closer normal position. The neck seems so much thinner and smoother now and the right ear much clearer.
It is so vitally important that parents become aware of the body structure and its importance be recognized. More than anything else, injuries need to be corrected when they first happen before the vertebras grow so firmly in the wrong positions. I plan to spend the rest of my life urging parents to allow their children to grow in normal body structure free of tension.
I have not described my dizziness in detail and thought maybe I should. I have five very distinctly different types:
1. A very severe spin that is incapacitating. When this happens, I have to grab hold of something or I would fall. Thank goodness, this does not happen often and lasts for only a few seconds.
2. A dizziness which is similar to the feeling one gets after turning around two or three times. I describe this as a swimming type.
I have this feeling much of the time. It is not incapacitating. I can do my work with it. It has various degrees, of course; and if it becomes too severe, I have to sit or lie down.
3. There are times when my eyes feel spastic and jumpy. This is not incapacitating either, except when it is extreme. In fact, this has been almost my constant companion since 1960 until Dr. Toman gave me relief from it in 1969.
4. Periods when I feel that I can not make the eyes focus. Each eye seems to want to go its own way. Sometimes they feel cross-eyed. I have difficulty in walking when this happens.
5. Sometimes I feel as though I am staggering. This varies completely from all the others. I can be walking alone and suddenly feel like I am falling. This has only occurred two or three times. This feeling is usually accompanied by a feeling of pressure in the cerebellum area.
I suppose the reason I have been thinking about the different kinds of dizziness I have is because I have just had an episode of the staggering type last week.
My menstrual problems seem to have ceased. I haven't had a headache with my period since the one following the jolt playing basketball in 1969. Several times, though, I have been quite dizzy at the beginning of my periods. My flow lasts for about five days now and is no longer excessive. It comes at approximately 30 day intervals.
My dermatitis and heartburn are both improving. The dermatitis on the left hand and under the left armpit are minimal now. There has not been much improvement in the dermatitis on the feet yet.
The headaches and neckaches on the left side due to the axis still comes now and then; but the intensity is not so severe, and they are not so frequent.
The feelings of anxiety still come at times when I have a shift in the spine, but they too are much milder and give me little problems.
The eyes no longer feel so tired, heavy, and edematous. They still bother me at times, but the episodes are not so frequent or so severe.
The numbness in the right hand and right foot are very infrequent at this time. In fact, while I still have some episodes of not feeling well, and still have many of my original symptoms, all seem to be slowly fading away in intensity and frequency. I really don't think of myself as sick anymore, but I know the symptoms will keep coming back as long as there is a curvature in my spine.
As I come to April, 1973, I feel little tension in the mid and low spine now. Almost all of the pulling is in the shoulders. It seems from the shoulders up to the left side of the neck are pulling very severely clockwise and want to rotate.
(At this time, I have decided to add dates to my entries.)
(4/4/73) Would you believe that a movement took place behind my nose? I felt something that seemed to let go high and deep behind the nose. This was followed by a slight ache there and a slight headache in the forehead above the nose. My depth perception seems to have improved after this movement. I believe the eye muscles straightened some.
(6/15/73) On the 9th I was mowing the grass and working very hard in the yard. When I sat down to rest, I did not feel a movement take place; but a characteristic headache and severe pulling down the right side of the neck with the left side pressing up on the skull indicated that a large one had taken place.
The symptoms rapidly progressed; and I immediately came indoors, took some Tylenols, a shower, laid down on the exerciser, and used the vibrator. The headache was my old familiar one on the left side at the base of the skull.
I was able to get a few relieving clicks, but I was up most of the night with the headache. The next day, while riding to the doctor's office, the diiness became severe. Dr. Toman adjusted the hips very firmly. There was tension on the axis, and he adjusted it with me lying on the right side. The dizziness started relieving immediately.
This large movement also brought about great improvements in my dermatitis. When my dermatitis improves, I always have a soft-skin feeling all over my body.
There seems to be no connection between this "soft-skin feeling" and my "good feeling." While they might both be connected to the adrenal system, they do not seem to go together as far as I can tell. I believe that my "good feeling" is coming when tension is taken off the entire spine, releasing the stricture on the pituitary gland.